Tell & Don’t Tell On First Date
Whatever You Do, Don’t Say This On Your First Big Date
Dating. Oh boy. It used to be considered a young person’s sport, reserved for those with the time, optimism and naivete to keep plugging away even when all hope seemed lost. But today,people of all ages are dating and mating and trying yet again to find that Perfect One. And it still isn’t easy. In fact, in many ways dating can feel like having to repeat a final exam in your worst subject until you finally get every single question right. On a first date in particular, one big question will always be what to share and what not to share. In this post, learn simple tips for what to say (and what not to say) on that all-important first date with someone from christian dating australia!
Don’t Say This #1: “So when my ex and I were together….”
Do not talk about your ex on a first date. This simply cannot be emphasized enough. Even if the relative stranger sitting across from you at the table is a professional relationship counselor in daily life, they have not dressed up and driven across town to hear about what went wrong in your last relationship.
Don’t Say This #2: “I have really bad credit.”
Guess what the number one topic for argument is between married couples? If you guessed finances you just explained why you shouldn’t mention your credit (or your debt, or your bankruptcy proceedings, or your thieving ex who cleaned out your accounts) on a first date.
Don’t Say This #3: “I had such a bad day.”
Research shows that when people can laugh together, they tend to have happier relationships. One of the current reigning hypotheses about why is that people who laugh more are happier, and that two happy laughing people are thus more likely to have a happy relationship.
Of course, this makes perfect sense. Which is why you should save the bad day buzz kill for later….or perhaps never.
Don’t Say This #4: “I chose this place because I found a coupon for it.”
It may not be your intention at all to imply you are cheap. But mention a coupon on the first date to someone from christian dating australia who doesn’t know you, and you can bet this is what they will think. Unless, of course, you have made millions with your couponing website….in which case you should definitely also mention this!
Don’t Say This #5: “I can already tell you wouldn’t get along with my folks.”
This kind of comment is just a bad move on so many levels. Even if you meant it as a compliment (because you are still in the process of self individuation and you are not-so-secretly rebelling against your folks’ concepts of what you should look like/act like/do for a career/date/etc) it isn’t likely to be perceived as such.
Plus, it isn’t respectful to either your family or to this new person you are meeting from christian dating australia, since it implies you are making all kinds of assumptions about them without really taking the time to get to know them well first.
Don’t Say This #6: “How’s about moving this back to my place?”
Um, no. Don’t say it. Think it all you want, but don’t say it. Whether you met on the subway or on a christian dating australia site, you both know what this question really means. At which point you might as well blurt out this next no-no as well….
Don’t Say This #7: “I’m not really looking for anything serious.”
That is great. Thanks for sharing. Come back when you are ready to look for something serious. Because here again, that person sitting next to you just made a huge effort on your behalf. They showered, shaved, scoped out the perfect attire and showed up. And they could have been doing all that for someone who actually wanted what the christian dating australia site was set up to facilitate – meeting someone to date.
In other words, unless the site you met on specifically includes a way to indicate you are not serious or just want some new friends to hang out with, this is perhaps the fastest way to kill any chances of having a next date.
Don’t Say This #8: “Gosh, I’ve always wanted to get into [what the other person just said they did for a living.]”
Is this a networking meet up or a first date? This is likely the first thing your date will be thinking after you say those words. Then they will probably start to wonder if that is the only reason you asked them out. After which they will undoubtedly realize your desire to switch careers means you are unhappy in your current job but haven’t done anything about it, which could mean you are lazy, depressed, un-hireable….
In summary, you can ask your date all the questions you like about why they love what they do, but just don’t ask them to help you get into it yourself.
Don’t Say This #9: “I had really low self-esteem until I had plastic surgery.”
There is a zero percent chance your date won’t find this comment intriguing….in the same sort of way they can’t resist clicking on social media sidebars that scream “You won’t believe what this person used to look like…!”
You may even find you have a very enjoyable and lively discussion about your adventures in plastic surgery. And don’t be surprised if your date asks for a show-and-tell. But you also shouldn’t be surprised if your phone doesn’t ring (or your text doesn’t ping) for a second date. While confident partners in general make better partners, it is always best to let your new potential partner meet “confident you” and enjoy the experience for awhile before you go into the nitty-gritty back story.
Don’t Say This #10: “I can see us getting married.”
Whether you mean “right now” or in a much more reasonable year or two, this immediately replaces a first date vibe with a stalker vibe. Or a desperate vibe. Or just a scary vibe. This kind of thing is romantic in movies, mostly because movies take approximately two hours to tell a story that actually takes place over 20 years.
But in person, mentioning marriage on the first date just lets your date know you are not that picky. If you were picky, you’d want to spend at least a few days (maybe a few weeks or months even) with a person before you consider spending the rest of your life with them.
These tips represent only a handful of topics to skip on a first date. However, this doesn’t mean these topics are not important or that you should not eventually share significant information about your finances, your family, your personal history or your feelings for the other person. But for now, on this very first date, just focus on enjoying the other person’s company and (hopefully) getting to date number two!